I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize