So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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