dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
