pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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