Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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