I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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