South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
