so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
