you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The air was thick with penises
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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