She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
