I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
