I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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