Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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