If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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