I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I want to fling myself into the sun
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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