I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm jealous of your bromance
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
