The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
