he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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