Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize