just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
