My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
