My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
