I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The best revenge is premature balding
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I am available for nakedness
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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