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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...

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• (585): View more from New York

  Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Post that event on your timeline

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• (408): View more from California

  I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.

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• (386): View more from Florida

  We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad

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• (510): View more from California

  The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra

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