Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
