can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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