I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
