I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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