oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
