i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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