Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
