What did we do last night that was yellow?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
