WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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