Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
