you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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