i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
