He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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