Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
