dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
