I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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