I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
