You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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