I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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