Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
