I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
