if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
