She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
