The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Two words: blizzard sex
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
