All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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