He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize