i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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