OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
