NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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