my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
