His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
