i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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