well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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