Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
