singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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