There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i drank out of a bidet.
Semen is not good for contacts.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
