At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
