sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
