I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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