Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
