I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
