Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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