oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I bet he comes in French.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
