I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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