she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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