Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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