peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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