i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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