I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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