U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
