Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
