Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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