I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
