just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
