i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
