Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
