I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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