I think i peed on brittanys purse
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
