If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize