You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
