I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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