just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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