Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
