i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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