Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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