What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
