matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
