She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
