The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
