Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
