We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
