You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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