he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So apparently I’m into choking now
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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