he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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