I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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