Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
