If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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