i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
