dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
