Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
