Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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