Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
only you would photoshop your dick
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I deserve this hangover.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
